I said, ‘No, it is not my portion and it will never be.’

Mom grabbed the attending doctor at Shepherd’s Hospital Ikoyi. I’ve driven past that hospital several times–its environment has always been alluring to me. Imagine me, hanging my stethoscope around my neck and walking around in my white, starched lab coat. The feeling was exhilarating. 

Never, for once did I imagine that the beautiful Shepherd’s Hospital will offer us a bed in the pediatric wing. 

Leuki- what?

‘Leukemia does not run in my vein, the Blood of Jesus does and Leukemia does not run in my baby’s blood, the Blood of Jesus does.’

It’s been three days since Mosun was rushed here and she hasn’t said a word. She has only nodded or smiled or winced in pain when moved around-her eyes blinking out commands when needed. 

“Lord, your promise is that I and the children whom You have given me are for signs and wonders. Mosunmola, I decree that you are for signs and wonders…the number of your days you will fulfill. There shall no evil befall you. You shall not die but live to declare the goodness of God in the land of the living!”

Mom kept on quoting scriptures and dad kept praying in tongues. All Jide and I did was take turns singing and reading out scriptural references to her.

The past three days felt like three decades.

Until the fifth day. Mom and dad had gone home to get a change of clothes while Jide and I insisted we would wait till they came back for us. I felt a hand poke my side as I dozed off beside Mosun’s bed. Initially I ignored it but when I felt the jab again I sat up, only to find Mosun up at me. Wide awake and grinning from ear to ear. 

“After you will say you’re watching me ba?” she pouted in our local vernacular. “Look at how both of you are sleeping like Jesus’ disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane.” 

I hissed playfully–full of relief that she had finally come around–before waking the sleeping prophet, Jide.

He almost grabbed her off the bed.

“Mosun, don’t scare us like that again, Haba na.” 

“I’m sorry”, came a childlike response, “but I am hungry.” 

After a cup of hot chocolate she felt alive and talkative again.

It was our turn to pepper her with questions. “Why did you scream? What did you see?”

“Easy, easy, fellow citizens”, she piqued. “Avail yourselves for tonight’s meeting and you will have all questions answered.” 

We both rolled our eyes; this Mosun is something else.

“Please where is my daddy?”

“So, you will not ask of your mommy too? We all turned, surprised at how fast our parents got here.”

Shouts of thanksgiving joyfully echoed throughout the room! 

Mom worshipped and rolled on the hospital floor.

Jide was eager to go home, but the doctor insisted on keeping Mosun one more night.

We all slept off. 

At  3 a.m. Mosun woke us up with her singing:

Elohim, Eternal One!

Elohim You never change!

It was so loud that we couldn’t sleep. Groggy with sleep, we joined in the song and after several repeats, she stopped and started to recite the Psalms. 

At this point, I was feeling a bit uncomfortable. I started to notice the room getting brighter than before and I mentioned it to Jide, whispering to him but he was confused. Maybe I was dreaming.

As Mosun got to the last verse, she stopped. 

“Daddy, please pray for us.”

Daddy obeyed without questions, but his prayers were out of sync, at least to me.

“Eternal King, unquestionable Father, You Who does as You please and non dare question You. Thank you for all that you have done in my life and family. Thank you for the cross of Jesus and it’s efficacious Blood. Thank you for Mosun, for calling her to yourself. We commend her into your hands. Keep her and heal her completely. Let the glory that you have shown us through her life radiate brightly everyday and as we prepare for heaven, make us worthy servants, Thank you Lord, In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Mosun’s amen was the loudest. 

Then she exclaimed,

“Thank you Daddy, Thank you Mommy, Thank you Auntie Sharon and Uncle Jide!” (I was amazed. This was the first time she would refer to Jide and I as Uncle and Auntie. 

“Thank you for taking care of me, but now I want to rest. I will sleep and wake up in the morning, ok?

Please wait for me o.”

At this point, my dad was on his feet and mom was shaking her head. 

“Mosun, why are you thanking us?”

“Because that’s what I’m supposed to be doing na mommy?

Just let me sleep, I’ll wake up in the morning. Please wait for me o.”

With that she laid down and was quiet.

The room became suddenly dim. I tapped my dad. “Did you lower the light in the room?”

He replied in the negative.

I looked at the clock. It was 5:50 a.m.

I looked at Mosun, she was peacefully sleeping–so calm–but something was off. 

I touched her, she didn’t stir. 

“Did she not just fall asleep?”

I poked her. She didn’t move.

“Mommy, Mosun is too quiet!” I cried with alarm. 

Mom called and Dad touched, fearing and dreading to say the least expected.

“But she was just talking a minute ago.”

I rushed out to get the nurses and possibly the doctor.

After minutes of examining, the doctor stood up and looked at us. From one face to another.

“Were you all in this room with her?” 

“Yes sir”, came the collective response.

“I’m sorry to say this sir”, he held my dad’s shoulder, “but we lost her.”

It was like a dream. Or movie. The room began to spin and I heard  a thud.

My mom had fainted.

I screamed at the top of my lungs.

“Mosunmola! Wake up now! Don’t wait till the morning.” I pleaded.

I wish my tears could bring her back. We would cry her a river. 

But I would never forget her words: “Please wait for me… I’ll wake up in the morning”. 

~~~~~~~~

A hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality.

It was Jide. 

I turned to him. Unknown to me,  I was physically crying.

“Sister Mi, what happened? Why are you crying?” That was when I realized I had been actually crying.

I held Jide as if he was going to disappear in a moment.

“I remembered Mosun.” I replied in a hushed whisper.

At this point, Jide held me so tightly and for some minutes we both cried. 

Death is wicked.

Oh death where is thy sting, Oh grave where is thy victory?

As I released Jide, I held his face in my hands.

“Jide, Mosun has gone to be with the Lord. All we are left with on this side of eternity are memories. Memories that bind us together but make no mistake, we will see her again.

You believed that. You preached that. You practiced that.

What changed now, Jide? Where did you miss it?”

Jide stepped out of my hold, straightened his shirt, kissed me on the forehead and picked up his bag. 

As I watched his shoulders square up, I knew today would be like other days too. He had rejected the call of the Savior again. 

I walked behind him calling tenderly. “ Jide, please don’t go.”

He walked to the door, looked back at me and shut the door behind him.

The resounding finality of the door shutting shook me.

I dropped to the ground and wept. A certain weight dropped upon my heart that I knew only a trip to the secret place could lift. Right there at the entrance, I poured my heart out to God with only one request on my lips–“Please bring Jide back”.

I eyed him from head to toe and wished he was the same thirteen year old boy who clung to his mini keyboard.  You could hear him always humming to a tune or the other.

The slap I would have given him, for two days he might still be nursing his face.

“Jide, Olajide Victor”,

How many times did I call you and how many ears do you have? I called sternly.

Frustrated that he’s not being reasonable.

“Sister mi, relax, it’s not as bad as you think”

“For crying out loud, Jide, you were brought up in the ways of the Lord and….

“Taught the precepts of the bible,  he completed.

“Do you know how many times you have said that?”

He smiled,  tickling my ear.

“Relax, I’m a young man with fresh blood. Besides,  I only go to the club to be with my friends.  I don’t mess around.
Cynthia is my only babe, we’re engaged already. I don’t have eyes for another lady”.

“Jide, but a life outside Jesus is like a chick playing in an open field. The hawks can descend at anytime to pick it up”.

“Say that to your fake Pastor Obinkwo.  The very man that taught me the Bible yet he stabbed me at the back. Or to your mommy Gladys assistant women leader. How she connived to make my life miserable.  Hope they’re like chickens too in an open field?

I opened my mouth to shut him up, then heard a throat clearing.

We both turned to see my husband.
He walked up to Jide and they shook hands.

“Good evening sir,  I didn’t know you were in”.  Jide greeted.

“Jide the bobo!,  how will you know when you didn’t ask”

They both laughed.

They made small talks here and there and left for the living room.

I knew the tactics was to get Jide from me.

I texted my husband.  ” but we’re not done talking “.

“I know, you will continue later”. Came his response.

Turning on the blender I drifted to the past. I knew what Jide said was true,  but how do I make him let go of those memories.  They were too hurtful to remember.

Dad and mom were strong Christians, eager to do anything and go anywhere. For us kids it was an adventure when dad announced one day that he has joined the evangelism/ missions outreach. We knew what that meant; more travel time.

What we didn’t know was that few months after this dad will go the extra mile.

” I don’t understand what you are saying again, what do you mean quit?.

It was my mom. Her voice was angry. She was supposed to come pick us up from school but after an hour of waiting all three of us walked home.

I meant, I would like to go with the missions team to Kubwa, to join others in planning churches.  And if necessary I would quit my job.

Rara o!

I say ‘mba’

Missions yes, quit your job , a big fat ‘No’.

Since when did this leading come?

What will happen to us?
How will we survive?

Mom asked before storming out of the bedroom.

We have never seen them quarrel before. But whatever will make mom forget her kids at school was quite intense.

She was shocked to see us.

” how did you get home?
Oh no, I totally forgot.
I’m so sorry.

Dad came out with a strained face.
He had forgotten us too.

The trip to Kubwa did hold, but dad didn’t quit his job.

I didn’t know the details but he came home a month after being away.

He was so lean but happy.

Mom cried and hugged him.

But Jide wasn’t home that day. He had gone for choir practice. And he came back home with the story of a new girl in the choir; Ayomikun.

Jide focus on your 200l exams and forget Ayomikun.

I scolded that day. We only came home to see dad.

At dinner we laughed and talked, Jide humming to Jay Mikee new song “Heaven”, me, asking dad for more stories from the mission field. And Mosun, leaning on dad, and asking if she can go next time too.
Maybe,  but that would be during your holidays.

Mosun at 16 was thrilled.  I looked at her and laughed.  I have never met a teenager like Mosun. Who wants to spend her summer holiday in Kubwa,  no good water, good roads, no stable electricity.  What about the mosquitoes? I asked her

Humph! “My blood is bitter for the mosquitoes.”

We are laughed,  “you mean this your skinny arms and legs that they can’t even find any flesh to bite”?

Mommy!,  hear what she’s saying, Mosun whined.

“It’s true na”.

“Leave my baby alone for me, my mom cautioned.  Mosun stuck her tongue out while picking the chicken from dad’s plate.

Then she turned my dad’s face to hers.
Daddy,  I’m having that headache again.

“Sorry my baby girl”.  My dad whispered.

We prayed and went to bed.
But our sleep was interrupted by a scream.

A scream that would change our lives forever.

There’s a feeling, a drawing, a pulling that brings me constantly in check whenever I hear this song “Jesus Keeps me near the Cross”. I have no doubt that the lyrics were penned from a heart that never wants to stray, but most importantly I know it is from heart who never wants to forget what the cross is all about.

But why?

Because we as humans are vulnerable.

Ever heard of Joshua Harris? No? Okay, I will tell you. He is the author of ‘I kissed dating goodbye.’

What about Ray Boltz? No again? Well, he is the writer of the song ‘The anchor  .’

The first time I heard of the book ‘I kissed dating goodbye,’ was from one of my big sisters. She talked about how this book helped shape her thoughts and perspectives on purity as a teenage girl many years ago.

Mr. Harris was a pastor who God used to teach young people that purity in the modern world is achievable; not just because we suppress our feelings and emotions or don’t acknowledge that the opposite sex exists but because we bring ourselves daily before the mirror of God’s word and stay in constant check by the Holy Spirit.

So, many years later when Mr. Harris appeared online to share that he no longer believes in God or share the view that marriage holds any sanctity or that purity is God’s standard for believers, and that he is deeply sorry for his erroneous views and writings in his book ‘I kissed dating goodbye,’ I wept. I will tell you why in a few lines.

But first, let us know who Mr. Boltz is. Ray Boltz is a famous American singer who wrote songs like “Thank you for giving to the Lord,” “The anchor holds,” and “The altar.”  Here’s a glimpse into the lyrics of the altar.

The service is nearing an end

The choir is singing, ‘Just As I Am’

And now as the old song is played

People at the altar

Are kneeling down to pray

Some are finding mercy

Forgiveness for their sin

Some are fighting battles

And they’re struggling to win.

He wrote other powerful songs.

But when I came across a debate some few years ago regarding him. I wept again. Mr. Boltz left the Christian faith to declare he no longer believes in God ordained way for marriage, I wept. He no longer holds the biblical stance he once had.

I wept. Not because I am better than them, but because the enemy is rejoicing over the souls that fall away. Jesus says in his word that in the last

“But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves… lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”

II Timothy 3:1, 4 NKJV

To stand and think you and I are untouchable is a dangerous assumption. Let me add this here; the fact that you desire to make it to heaven makes you a special target for the host of hell. To think that those who have tasted of the grace of God, can so fall far away from it, is fearful.

But I want to remind you of this.

1. God’s word never changes.

Yes. God’s word never changes. We are at the end of the age and Jesus warned that at this time many people will fall away from grace. Many will deviate so much that if it were possible the elect too will be deceived. If you must stand firm at such a time, you must constantly put on the whole armor. The constant study of God’s word will keep you guided and guarded. Please don’t neglect it.

2. We are all vulnerable

I don’t know of any better way to say it. But as long as you have committed to making heaven at last be rest assured that the devil will stop at nothing to get you down. Please, don’t let him. Do not assume that you are immovable because of your many years in the Lord. See, you who have opened prison doors and set captives free need to be very careful. The devil may not come at you with wealth and money but he may tempt you with sexual sins. He may not tempt you with positions/titles and accolades but he may start with pride. So watch out for your weaknesses. The good news is that the blood of Jesus is still potent.

3. Watch and pray

Be conscious of the fact that you are a soldier in a daily battle. I’ve never seen a soldier in uniform with flip flops, even in the grocery store. Likewise as a soldier, keep your armor on at all times. Never exalt prayer above the study of the scriptures because the Bible which is God’s word is your sword. Uphold both the weapon of prayer and the Word; let both be in your armory. Also, crosscheck the messages, doctrines and preachers you follow. Make sure they are all from the word of God or know where to draw the line if they are not. Set boundaries (I’ll share another post on this). Above all, remind the devil that you are a brand plucked out of fire, let your secret place burn daily.

4. Maintain Fellowship with Other Believers

One of the tactics of the enemy before striking any believer is to cause a distance. Either before attacking that believer or after. The bible enjoins us to maintain fellowship with believers of like precious faith. You and I need the encouragement, faith and strength from other believers too. Hear this :

“Two are better than One, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls one can help the other up, but pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up” Ecc. 4: 9,10 (NIV)

5. Be in constant view of the cross

I’ll end with the lyrics from the hymn at the beginning

“Jesus keep me near the cross.”

Verse 1
Jesus, keep me near the cross,
There a precious fountain,
Free to all, a healing stream,
Flows from Calvary’s mountain.

Refrain

In the cross, in the cross
Be my glory ever,
Till my raptured soul shall find
Rest beyond the river.

Verse 2
Near the cross, a trembling soul,
Love and mercy found me;
There the Bright and Morning Star
Shed His beams around me.

Verse 3
Near the cross! O Lamb of God,
Bring its scenes before me;
Help me walk from day to day
With its shadow o’er me.

Verse 4
Near the cross! I’ll watch and wait,
Hoping, trusting ever,
Till I reach the golden strand,
Just beyond the river.

What a dangerous thing to have tasted of the grace and power of God and fall away. More terrifying though is falling away and remaining down. What if you have not started this journey with Jesus at all. Hear him calling, see him beckoning. Please give your heart to him. Jesus is calling you now, don’t delay.

Dear friend the coming of Jesus is nearer than when you first believed. You cannot afford to lose sight of that now. Regardless of where the world stands today, there is only one standard that we all would be judged by and that is the standard of God’s word. No one is too far from falling, so watch yourself carefully.

Finally, don’t forget to pray for Joshua Harris and Ray Boltz and their families. The devil cannot win over them. Don’t forget to stay connected to the Savior. You can’t fall away now. Stand till the end.  I pray for grace that you will stand. Amen.