I want that experience, I press for that Encounter

“Let us hear word biko (please)” the Nurse shouted angrily.

I don’t know if it was the way she pouted her mouth or the loud embarrassing way she said it, but I instantly lost my voice and strength.

“Was that not what you said 6 months months ago when you lost your second baby, you bled and bled and you kept shouting Jesus.”

Today where is the baby?

She continued.

“Auntie, you have lost two children, you better go and find the root of your problems and stop quoting Bible verses up and down”.

My feet felt like rubber, the shame was too much.

I turned to Vera, “please take me home”

But Ebun, you need medical intervention. 

Vera, I cried , “please take me home, I know who I need at this point”

Should I call your husband?

No need, I responded. Do I need to keep calling him with sad news?, plus he’s on ministerial assignment, no need to discourage him now.

But you need him at your side now, Vera insisted 

“I know, but I need someone else more now, just take me home”.

As we drove home, Vera tried to make small talks here and there. I wasn’t interested even though I knew it was all to take my mind off the present problem. 

This will be the third pregnancy that I will lose. During the first two I started to bleed exactly two months into the pregnancy and I bleed for a whole month and had to be placed on bed rest for weeks.

Then this afternoon, exactly two months and 3 days I started spotting. I quickly called Vera to take me to the hospital before it resulted to anything, but the nurse at the reception just embarrassed the strength out of me.

I think I needed it. It was time to face my problems head on.

Just then Vera turned on the music station on radio,

The soft music filtered through the car and these lyrics poured out 

“When You see a Man

That is Helped by God

You will see his Glory all over him

When You see a Man

That is Loved by God

You will see his Glory all over him

And then You know

The God You Serve is not a Joker

And then You know

The God You Serve is not a Scam”

The nurse’s words came back filtering through ” you will be quoting Bible verses up and down”

Ahhhhh, I broke down 

Jesus! Have your words become like mere promises with no active power in them in my life, home and family? I wept

God, I screamed, show your face please Lord, Show me your power!

Vera tried to change the music station but as she turned the dial, a fresh song came on

” I come before You, I come before You, I come before Your altar

The Altar of fire

I won’t go the same, the same way I came, I exchange my weakness

Exchange it for Your strength

That’s exactly what I wanted, I need that exchange, to exchange loosing my pregnancy to actually carrying my babies.

God, I screamed, I know who You are. I have seen you move before.

God……..

I didn’t know when we got home. I just saw that Vera opened the passenger door and held out her hand for me.

It was then I noticed she has been crying too.

As soon as we got in, I flung my bag onto the nearest sofa and my journal fell out. My phone as well started ringing.  

I looked at the ID, it was my husband. 

I pressed the answer key but couldn’t say anything, his voice came through

“Why do I sense this sadness and feeling of neglect and defeat around you” ?

“I started spotting this afternoon”, was my response. 

There was silence from his end, 

“When you say spotting ” do you mean bleeding”?

I nodded as if he could see me. 

Who’s with you there?

Sister Vera, I responded. 

“Put the phone on speaker, please “

I did.

Your journal, open it. He said

I opened it not knowing exactly what page or what he was driving at.

One of the things I love about my husband is the ability to sense things even when we’re miles apart. Talk about kingdom men.

“keep flipping” he instructed and I did.

As I flipped through the pages, my eyes rested on a page. The very page that I had written God’s promises concerning my marriage and children, the last paragraph

” It was after my prayer retreat and the Holy Spirit had given me some powerful words regarding my children; Godly seeds who will contend with the enemy at the gates, Psalms 127:5. the number of children, and what He is raising them for” etc

You know, he started ,

God never goes back on His words as long as we continue to abide in Him, but there are times when we have to activate and engage the power of His name, the power of His Blood and the power of His Word. There’s always agreement with all three, they never contradict each other. So if God gives you His promise in His Word, you activate with His name and there will be no resistance. If you encounter any resistance, then activate the power of His Blood.

Then he started to sing the same song that had played earlier in the car

Vera held my hands and we both knelt down, as we sang we felt the reassuring presence of God and then I remembered 

At the beginning of the year, I told God I wanted to experience his power this year. I had pleaded for an encounter. But encounters don’t come without a price. Don’t get me wrong, God doesn’t delight in his children passing through pain, but when we pass through very trying times, He expects us to call on him and activate our right and heritage as his children. And some times, we receive the answers immediately, at other times, He makes us press in harder, “not because he wants to see us cry, he’s teaching us like the mother eagle does to her young when she wants them to fly”.

Encounter comes with a price, but leaves a testimony of a lifetime; and this is totally dependent on the individual seeking the encounter.

You see certain times we read in the scripture of how God provided manna for the Israelites, they came to know God as their provider.  

When he drowned the Egyptians in the red sea they knew God as a deliverer 

When He followed them with the pillar of cloud and fire they knew what it was to have God’s abiding presence at work and with them.

God, we have read it, let us experience it. I cried. We prayed and called on God that day, I didn’t mind that I was bleeding, I kept reminding God of His promise that ” nothing will cast my young ones”, ” that i will be a fruitful vine”, “I will be saved in child bearing”.

Lord, I exchange this desert experience for a fruitful, fertile land.

# Fiction 

Child of God, I don’t know in what areas you are seeking God, calling on Him and asking Him to show up for you. It could be that while you’re asking Him for that blessing, He’s showing you a burning bush that you must draw nearer to, that you must take your shoe off, that you must experience. Press in.

This year I pray that you will seek to experience God beyond what you read, let Him be real with you. It’s only then that your testimony can speak by itself. 

I pray for you that you will receive grace and strength to push until God’s promises come to pass in your life and family.

But,

If you’re asking for this encounter do you know this God?

Does He know you as His child?

Or is sin always putting your back on the ground?

It’s time to know who you are and your inheritance in God.

Arise, cast away that besetting sin, throw away that faithlessness,  

It’s time to experience God!

# ThatImayknowHim 

Song Credits : GUC and Mr M& Revelation.